Thought for Today

Poking Fun at it All

Poking Fun At It All

My 30 Day Challenge

I have decided to set myself a 30 Day Challenge. That is the Jillian Michael Ripped in 30 and jogging "The Holy Moly" aka a 4k loop from my house through an estate called Holywell - hence the name. 

I am going to take my measurements and at the end of the 30 days, take them again and see the difference. 

My 30 day challenge will begin on Tuesday, 29 July and will end on Thursday, 28 August. 

15 Weeks, 4lb down, a Teething Miracle and a Happy Birthday

That's a busy title isn't it? Well sure aren't I a busy woman!

My Holly Dolly is 15 weeks old today! Time is just zooming by on us! It'll be time for the Christmas countdown before we know it (aka 24 September, day after my happy birthday). My little Dolly is fantastic! We had her developmental check yesterday and sure she was amazeballs! Performed like a little dancing monkey for me! They tell me she's going to be tall... She may have a look of me, and my patience, and my temper, and my ability to sleep through an apocalypse, but she most certainly didn't get her height from me. Standing at an average 5 ft 4, I'm not exactly being put at the back of any group photos, or at least if I am, it's not because of my height! So I've decided that she's going to be a model. Not a thick one, one like Tyra Banks or Gisele what's her face. One that is clever and business savy. The type of model her mama could retire on! This is her fate. I'll be like Kris Jenner with my glass of wine and bossy head, living it up in a fancy pants house, dressed like lamb - despite being mutton! It'll be a wonderful life!

Now that I have my daughters future planned out, on to weight loss! I've lost 4lb! Delighted with myself. Some of the loss is down to a switch to a gluten free (for the most part anyway) diet. Also down to walking and I think not stressing about my jelly belly!!! Either way, I'm loosing and not gaining and not getting myself depressed in the mean time! And I have heart that in time, my world renowned model daughter will be able to pay for me to have liposuction and tummy tucks whenever there is a need. There's light at the end of the tunnel!

My little Dolly has been teething for a while now! Very advance for her age (even though she has no control over when her teeth come, I've decided to announce she's advanced). Anyway, I can't seem to keep the poor divil in dribblers! I must be going through about 20 a day! My washing is just bibs! I can't keep up with the demand. She hasn't been giving me any jip with them, apart from the endless washing of bibs, until last Saturday. Last Saturday the teeth started hurting her. Last Saturday, she cried for 12 hours, or so I am told. Because last Saturday I had fecked off to mayo with Himself  for a wedding. She was with her Nana and Grandad and it was no fun at all for them!

So I got on the World Wide Web and googled the bejaysus outta teething. And I got in touch with a couple of other mamas for advice. I was put onto a miracle! Amber necklaces / braclets. The amber apparently has anti inflammatory healing properties. So you pop this necklace on and leave it in contact with her skin until, well, forever. Or at least until her teeth all come up. They are design specially for babies and are safe to use. I personally won't leave her sleeping with it round her neck, I tie it to her ankle for naps and during the night - safety first! She's only got it on under a week and already I see a huge improvement! I'm down to ten bibs a day and the washing machine is getting a well deserved rest!

I got mine from a website Teething SOS. 

Finally, today is a happy birthday day to my wonderful husband! It's the 12th anniversary of his 21st birthday today. He is in work, but we have big birthday plans of staying in tonight and having cake! Then the zoo tomorrow, Holly's choice, and then a night away on Sunday. Our plans on Sunday are not our original plans. We had planned to spend Sunday celebrating with Friends in Low Places, while The Thunder Rolls, reminiscing about That Summer, and getting down at The Dance, and after all that spend a little bit of time Calling Baton Rouge. But the aul fecker cancelled on 400,000 of us so we had to alter our plans. The aul fecker... Now we will be staying in a fancy hotel and most likely sleeping our heads off from about 7pm!!!

Have a wonderful weekend peeps! I know I will

Finally Found Out What Is Wrong With Me

Happiness Reigns Supreme

It does, it really does. Why, you may ask? Well! Last night, for the first time in her entire existence (and that actually includes while in the womb!) my little Holly Dolly slept from 12.15 to 7am! Waking once and being silenced by that beautiful, amazing gift from God, the soother (aka susu/dodie). I am like a new woman! 7 hours! 7 hours straight sleep and I was on duty! I only ever get 7 hours straight if Himself is on night and morning duty! The world is a brighter, lighter and less sleep deprived place! 

I've been asked for a while now if she's sleeping through the night - Inquisitve Person "Is she sleeping through the night?" "Eh, no, not yet"says I. "Oh right. Well mine slept through the night from (insert ridiculous age here)" replies Inquisitve Person, rather smugly. "Really" says I "well sure she's giving us 3-4 hours straight so can't complain". Then comes a look, followed by "well, have you tried (insert unrquested advice here)"

So now I can finally say, yes, yes she is sleeping though the night! She's amaaaazing! 

I do realise that, as punishment for my own smug delightedness, she will not sleep all night again until she's 21!

Poking Fun at it All

Poking Fun at it All

Poking Fun at it All

Thought for Today

This is a picture of Bethany Frankel, think she may be a Real Housewife of Orange County, or something similar. She is wearing her 4 year olds pj's... I am torn!

One half of me sees this and thinks my Jaysus, how desperate must you be missus to post something like this? Desperate for attention and crying out for a good carb laden stew to give you a bit of meat on those bones! A woman in her 40's / 50's surely shouldn't fit into this. And if this poor divil is only in her 30's, then she needs that stew to shave a few years off her face as much as to put a few pounds on her bones.  

That is the part of me that wants to pass on a sensible, healthy, respectful body image to my daughter. I want her to eat well, exercise, see these things as part of normal life and not have to force herself to do it. 

Then there's the other half of me. The half that this kind of publicity feeds on. The part that's saying, feck your stew! That woman can fit comfortably into a four year olds pjs! Feck her haggard face! Who cares! She FITS INTO A FOUR YEAR OLDS PJs.. The only way I have a snowballs chance in hell of getting into anything belonging to a four year old is if the four year old owns a car that I can sit

In!!!! 

So to sum up, it's inappropriate that this

Woman is wearing her 4 year olds pjs. But at the same time it induces envy and makes me wish I didn't like a good stew...

Weight Loss Tip...

13 Weeks, Grabbing Stuff and a Happy Mama

My little Holly Dolly is 13 weeks and 1 day old! My how time flies eh? She's in great form and its just brilliant being at home with her. She spent a couple of days last weekend in Donegal with her Nana and Grandad and her Aunty Orla and Uncle Joe. Got feckin ruined! Sure she was only chuffed with all those different faces to be chatting to her and dumping oodles of attention on her! She's less than impressed that she's stuck at home with me now...

But enough about her, and more about me and why I am so happy!

A week after we came home from hospital, I made the mistake of thinking that I had returned to my pre-pregnancy shape. I made that mistake because I could see my toes and I was awash with hormones that caused my body dismorphia to resurface.  My body dismprohia is something I have touched on previously, but for those who don't know, Dr Google diagnosed me with body dismorphia. Unlike those who look in the mirror and see an overweight person, thus fueling their need to strive to be thinner, I look in the mirror and think that I am super skinny, try on skinny clothes and realise that I am, in fact, not a size 10, and therefore fuel my depression.  I forget that I do this and repeat the cycle every couple of weeks.

Anyway, as I said, I made the mistake of thinking that I was all skinny minnie and I took out my pre-pregnancy jeans to put on.  My pre-pregnancy jeans proceeded to have an almighty row with my post pregnancy thighs and hips. It turned into a wrestling match, my thighs and hips ganged up on the jeans, and lets just say, the jeans came out worse for wear... as did my self esteem...

So every week since that first week I try on the jeans, my hips and thighs get argey bargey, my jeans and my ego loose the fight. Every week, that is, until this week. Oh yeah! I was going to a first birthday party. Yes, I am aware that my party lifestyle is out of control! Anyway, was getting ready and, quiet frankly, I am sick of wearing the same two pairs of jeans over and over. So I decided it was time to have my weekly thigh / hip / jean battle. But this week the first pair I tried on went over the thighs and hips with minimum struggle, and they actually buttoned. Looking in the mirror, that age old advice of "just because it zips, doesn't mean it fits" came to mind. But I proceeded to try on another pair. Again, not for public viewing. But the third pair I tried on slid easily over my thighs and hips and zipped with no effort and actually fit me.

Joy of joys my friends. I am finally wearing a pair of jeans that have functioning buttons and zips. It's only taken 13 weeks, but I am delighted with myself. Slowly but surely my old wardrobe is being opened to me!

I wonder what fashion related battle I will win next week!

Exercise Tip

Poking Fun at it All

Career Change

Poking Fun at it All

Poking Fun at it All

Weigh Day - The Result

I stayed the same again this week. And, mortification of all mortifications, in response to this news, I burst into tears at the scales! Did not expect that reaction, and nor did my lovely leader! She was so sweet to me as I stood there snotting and crying all over her! And to further add to my morto moment, I had to walk through the Pavilion with my mascara streaked face! I pulled my hair down over the streaks and did my best impression of Cousin It from the Adams Family as I pelted my way to the safety of my car where I could indulge in some good old fashioned wailing! 

A slight over reaction to perhaps? Well maybe, but still, I walked away from that scales feeling like pants! As I mentioned in my previous post, a lot of insecurities and negative feelings have been raising their ugly, soul destroying heads over the last number of days, and that scales just isn't helping the situation. 

When I got home and himself saw I had been crying, I told him that I was feeling a little bit down in the dumps. Says he; Why pet? Says I; don't really know love but going to get weighed every week is definitely not helping me. Says he; what can I do to help. Says I: wire my jaw shut? Says he; ah no, I don't think that's the answer. Says I; right, well I'll have a cup of tea so...

So after out little chat, during which he pointed out my tendency to be very hard on myself and awful mean to myself, I came to the conclusion that I might have returned to the scales too soon and need to relax a bit and be a little less unkind to myself! I am going to take a break from The Soul Crusher for a couple of weeks and go back when I am feeling a little less crappy! 

I'll spend the next couple of weeks going walking and getting myself back into some form of fitness and then I'll have my head on right and be able to tackle weight watchers right!! 

Weigh Day

It is weigh day again. I have not had the best week, mostly because it took me till Thursday to recover from Sundays wedding! My Jaysus but they omit some pretty vital information from them books! 4 days to recover from one all day event? Pre baby me would have laughed my head off, pulled up my drinking socks and had a fanny bomb for my self! Post baby? Gis a bowl a soup and something soft to rest for my over danced calves!!!!

Sunday was amazing! Myself and Himself left a Rachel and Himself shaped hole in the door, such was our eagerness to celebrate these nuptials! And also to have lunch and a pint in peace. Yes, I said a pint. Since Christmas Day I've been dying for a pint of Corrs! I mean sell your granny dying! So 10 weeks after the arrival of my Dolly I had a pint. And it was delicious! We had a great day. I danced the legs off myself! I was Irish dancing, back leaping and shimming around that dance floor like nobodies business! 

I have started and restarted this post a few times! My weigh in last week, after all my hard work, was an utter disappointment and has me awfully downhearted! It has made me realise how much of my mood is tied to how I feel about myself and, despite knowing I have only just had a baby, I don't feel great about myself. Which is a bit sad and something I need to fix! The aul insecurities are at an all time high, and the self esteem is a bit on the low side! 

But this week will be different. I will change my attitude and start the week by being a little bit nicer to myself and a lot less unkind! 

I shall keep you posted

Poking Fun at it All

Poking Fun at it All

Weigh Day - The Result

Well! Horrified and Dismayed and Horrified.. Serves me right for quietly thinking I smashed my weight loss goal! Feckin Soul Crusher has, well, crushed my soul! 

After all my trotting around the place, clocking up 30.65 kilometres this week, getting up on a Saturday feckin morning to go walking, granted given that I am on maternity leave every day is Saturday to me, but still, I didn't loose anything. Not even a flippin ounce. I swear to God! I can't believe it! As I said, horrified and dismayed and just plain horrified! 

I knew those extra freckles would go against me.... 

Weigh Day Tomorrow

Another weigh day is nearly upon me! I set myself 3 goals this week;

Loose 1.5lb

Track everything I eat

Walk 20k

So far this week I have smashed one of those goals. I have walked the legs of myself and actually clocked up 26.7 kilometres so far! Naturally, the fabulous weather has made that an easy thing to do! I spent much of my week trotting along the coast line from malahide to portmarnock and back! I brought my Dolly to the beach for the first time. She wasn't all that impressed - that's gratitude for you! Mama sweating like a donkey in a sauna to bring her to the beach and all she could do was eat her fingers... 

Along with clocking up those kilometres, I have managed to amass an impressive amount of new freckles on my already freckle stained face... Despite slathering myself with an inch thickness of factor 50,that's right, factor 50 - my fair skin sizzles like bacon when greeted with any kind of sun, I still got a heap load of feckin freckles for my efforts... Here's hoping they don't add to the scales tomorrow! 

I wasn't very good at tracking... Not good at all. I'll be killed for this, but I couldn't find a pen! And with a 10 week old to distract me on a minute by minute basis, t'was hard to remember to write what I bit... But I did weigh everything. I didn't even cheat with my cheese! 

All in all, I am confident that I will loose my goal... I'll be very sad if I don't!

Fingers crossed for me, everyone think light thoughts in my honour

My Cousin, Luke Brennan

4 weeks ago today my cousin, Luke Brennan, was taken from us. He was 21 years young and, tragically, he was killed doing what he loved to do, riding his motorbike. His death was sudden, unexpected and has made little sense to those who know and love him.

Luke was born two months after my little sister, who many will know as being a central part of my world! As a small kid, I would have been close to Luke. I babysat him and his older brother. I watched him make his holy communion. 

It would be nice to sit here and say that we had a close relationship as we got older. Sadly, that's not the case. We drifted apart, the way age gaps and distance often cause relationships to change. 

The last time I saw him was the night of my wedding. He came to the party and he spent the evening joking and laughing with my family. He congratulated me. He thanked me for inviting him, and, what I remember is our last conversation. He wanted to go to bed and was making his younger brother go with him. I started slagging him, telling him he was an old man and promised that if he went to bed I would make sure Matthew was alright. But he wouldn't go without him.

If I had have known that night was the last time I would have an opportunity to spend time with him, I would have made more of an effort to see him. 

I haven't been to many funerals in my life.  That's not a complaint! And the ones I've been to have been pretty sad. But there was only one that was as sad as Luke's. In the days after his death, I learned a lot about my little cousin. He was great with his hands. He was happiest tinkering with bikes and shooting with his dad. He had some amazing people around him that love him dearly. He was popular and funny and I wish I had spent time getting to know the man he had become.

His passing has made me realise that your whole life can change in an instant. Nothing is forever and nothing is guaranteed. It's important to remember that there may not be a tomorrow. I need to stop putting things off. I need to stay connected to the people in my life and never take for granted that they will be there tomorrow to get to know better, tell them I love them or listen to what they have to say. 

4 weeks ago today, our family chain was broken. The link that was Luke has changed how our chain looks. It can never be repaired, the link can never be replaced. His parents and brothers and sister need to learn to live with the hole he has left behind. And, from what I have learned of him, it is a big hole.  

Rest In Peace Luke. You will be forever in our hearts and our thoughts. 

Thought for Today

Poking fun at it all

Thought for Today

The One Routine Guaranteed to a make you beautiful..

This is a lovely article - food for thought. Which I wish was my favourite kind of food, because it has no calories so I could fill my boots with it!!! 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5476593?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Poking fun at it all

Week 3 - The Plan of Action

Ok! So apparently I need a kick in my sizeable backside to get my weight watching head back on straight! No point in paying Weight Watchers a tenner a week to just watch my weight increase now is there? 

Having gained 1lb instead of loosing it, I've had my ass kicked and have devised a plan... The goals for next week are;

Loose 1.5lb, complete 20k of walking and track everything I eat..

Exercise...

Exercise is a little bit on the tricky side still. I'm not fully back to fighting fitness, or whatever my pre-pregnancy equivalent was. But in saying that, there may be a chance, a very small minute chance, that I am using this as an excuse to do nothing at all. As I say, possibly a chance - not a guarantee!

I know myself that back pain can be helped by walking and strengthening my core muscles etc... So I am committing to walking a minimum of 20k and the 30 day squat challenge. I have knocked off 7k of my goal already! 

How to loose the 1.5lb?

Well, I'll begin by ridding the house of all baking parifinalia. All of it! I have no ingredients to go creating my downfall from scratch, so I am committing to NOT going out and purchasing any of the required ingredients for chocolate cake or similar. You would think that I wouldn't have to state that I won't go buying the stuff, but let's face it, I am willing to go to all the bother of baking a feckin cake to sabotage my efforts, so best to err on the side of caution!

Track It

I promise to track everything I put into my gob! Every last crumb that I eat. As the saying goes, bite it then write it!

Reward for goal achieved?

My aul eyebrows are starting to take on the look of black caterpillars crawling across my face. My reward for achieving my goals, and not feckin baking, is to get those bad boys tamed! And I need to have it done because I am attending a wedding on Sunday and I can't be going around looking like the evil Sargent from Police Academy;

If this image is not motivation enough, then I don't know what is!!!!

Weigh Day - The Result

Well I got weighed and I am not disappointed! In all fairness, considering how uncommitted I've been, and the feckin cake I baked and ate, I've only put up 1lb in two weeks... Things could, and probably should, have been a lot worse!

Next week will be better - much better!  No more baking! No more munching and much more moving! 

What's the one healthy habit I will introduce this week? Removal of all baking parifinalia from the house

Tonight for Today

I knew it...

9 weeks old and it's Weigh Day tomorrow

My Holly Dolly is 9 weeks old today. And after 9 weeks, I have been diagnosed with motherhood induced schizophrenia! Not officially, of course, this is a self diagnosis kindly assisted by the trusted and always right, Dr. Google and confirmed by the following someecard

This is a strange phenomenon which has only begun occurring since my Dolly arrived! I can literally hear her crying whenever I do something noisy, like boil the kettle. Granted, it's a loud kettle and I think it is the reason she ALWAYS knows I am about to have a cuppa, but I swear I can hear her.. I run to her aid, loving mama that I am saying "sssssh baba, here's your mama now" only to find her snoring her head off and leaving me looking like a feckin lunatic!

Today is the first day that I had a shower with just myself and herself in the house. I would like to point out that I not one of the great unwashed, I have had many showers and baths in the last 9 weeks, there's just always been Himself in the house to keep an eye on the newborn that can't roll, control her hand movements or escape the house without being lifted... But all the same, these newborns are tricky little divils....

So anyway, as I was saying, having the shower. She's snoozing away In the room next to the bathroom, I have the monitor with the motion sensors AND noise sensors right where I can see it, and then it happens. I can hear her crying. But wait, the monitor isn't picking it up. It's in my head. Continue showering! No, wait! Definetly hear her. Is top of the range monitor, that works perfectly everywhere else, no longer working? I turn off shower and freeze. Holding my breath in case my breathing prevents me from hearing her cries - forgetting of course that when she cries you can hear her in Donegal she's got such a set of lungs on her!!! In the silence of the bathroom I realise that it's all in my head. Continue showering. Forget that the feckin thermostat on our feckin shower is fecked so that when you turn off the shower and turn it back on straight away boiling water shoots from the peeling the skin off your bones... 

Then I freeze, I can hear her crying... Repeat until shower is over!

Needless to say, one of these days she will be crying and I will ignore her because I will think it's all in my head and then she'll be scared for life and cost me a flippin fortune in counselling fees...

It's weigh day tomorrow. I absolutely chickened out of going Wednesday! But tried to claw back some of my ability to loose a pound. I did well. Even went on a picnic. Planned the contents of the picnic to the letter. Bottle of milk for the Dolly, herby Cous Cous with prawns and a mango salsa. Delicious! Got up on Thursday. Made the deliciousness. Packed it up. Realised I was 4 hours to early. Made a chocolate cake with chocolate butter icing. Ate a taster slice. Brought a slice for the picnic. Ruined my healthy picnic! 

And I wouldn't mind! It's not like I went into a shop and was bombarded with cakes and such to purchase. I could understand a slip in willpower then. But I actively went and made a cake - from flippin scratch! It didn't even exist before I decided to make it! I actually created an obstacle for myself! I assembled it and watched it rise in the oven.. That's not a slip in willpower... That's an almighty buckling of it with a dollop of self sabotage for good measure! Feck sake! Learning to bake was the worst thing I ever did! All grand when your growing a baby and people tell you your glowing or that pregnancy suits you... Don't want someone saying that to me now, do I?

So I shall face the soul crusher in the morning and resolve to do better next week, and dispose of all baking equipment and ingredients...

Still though, it was a tasty cake!

Thought for Today

Thought for Today

Thought for Today

Thought for Today

Weigh day has been and gone

That's right... Weigh day has been and gone and I haven't had the courage to face that damn scales, also known as The Soul Crusher... Why? Well let me review my first week back... 

I rejoined my class on Saturday. I was full of the beans and good intentions as I walked out of the class. Also full of excitement because it was my first night out since, well, 5 July 2013. The night was a success, I didn't have too much of a hangover and I didn't eat rings around myself...

Then I went to Donegal so myself and my Holly Dolly could spend a few days in the warm and welcoming bosom of my family. I ate a fair bit, drank more wine than intended and never tracked a dang thing I put in my mouth - sure wasn't i on my jolliers...

I came home on Wednesday and went walking on Thursday and was ever so good, give or take a bar of chocolate... Himself had a pressing engagement with a golf course that I was to deliver him to on Saturday. So I happily came to the occlusion that I couldn't possibly go to my class that afternoon, time would be too tight. No point just going to be weighed and not stay for the class, says I! Sure I could that at home for nothing, I declared! 

Then I went out on Saturday again. Went to a BBQ. It was a throw back to 2007. A year when many of our close friends bought houses and we spent many a summer weekend drinking and partying our heads off, sans responsibility (with the exception of the mortgage of course) and without a care or thought for the damage we were causing the wooden floors / furniture / livers... And it was also a year when all of our darling off spring were yet to be a gleam in their Daddy's eye... Children? Ha! Sure I couldn't keep a Basil plant alive, was the attitude I had back then. 

It was lovely to party like it was 2007 again. But alas, time has moved on. I may be able to party like it, but by Jaysus I can't recover like the old days. It's Monday night and I am only coming right. And I had a baby to look after as well - won't be in a hurry for a repeat of that I can tell you!

So, to sum up, since joinin back weight watchers I've eaten and drank myself silly... These actions do not a successful slimmer make. I've chickened out of a weigh in tonight, but I'll go on Wednesday and see what I can claw back...

Also since my return to the weight watching, my little Dolly turned 8 weeks old and I left her over night for the firs time. She stayed with her Auntie Marie. By all accounts she had a great time. I didn't cry when I left her. But I did spend the whole day trying to think of reasons not to go out. These babies, they come into your life and turn it upside down... But it's worth it! 

I shall commit to pouring as much energy into loosing weight as i have into avoiding my class... I'll be a bag of bones by the end of the week so...

Thought for Today

Thought for today

Thought for Today

Warmest of Welcomes and back in control

I am back in control, or at least my beautiful daughter is allowing me to believe I have regained some semblance of control in one aspect of my life! This is because me and my Holly Dolly rejoined weight watchers on Saturday. Not that she needs to be watching her weight do anything but increase by the pounds, but the plan is that as she's increasing, I am decreasing!!! 

The Saturday class is a brilliant idea! I will see if I can continue on a Saturday, I may have to revisit my old Monday stomping grounds... Which is also a good class. Why? Well, Saturday is the night I am most likely to go out. Not that it matters to me these days, but all my working buddies go out of a Saturday so it means that attending a class on a Saturday,  I am more inclined to behave myself and then if, by some crazy means, my halio of goodness slips on said night out, I have a WHOLE week to repair the damage! Monday is equally as good because, judging from past experience, it makes me good all week to allow for slight over indulgence at the weekend. All this is said while forgetting that I have another means of keeping me on the straight and narrow - my daughter! I tend to forget sometimes that the aul social life isn't going to be as party heavy as it was 12 months ago!!!

Speaking of nights out.. I had my first proper, on the lash, night out on Saturday! I survived it. Firstly I actually managed to leave her without bursting into tears... Secondly, I got so giddy I could have had the night out without having a single drink and had a ball. But I did have a drink... I had many! It was fantastic! I drank and danced my little heart out! When I got home I slept I the spare room and was very proud of the control I displayed by not sneaking in and giving Holly a good nigh kiss! 

Sunday was rough.. I won't lie. I was wobbly on my hangover pins.. There was a scary moment I thought i may need to call the priest, but I was fine! Delighted with myself for not being too hungover and all I ate to get my through it was a magnum and a sausage... Success!!!

This is me ready to go out. You like the pose???

So! Me and my Dolly arrived to my class and my lovely weight watchers leader greeted us so warmly! It was like the prodigal son returning home. And then the same thing that happens every time me and my Dolly go anywhere happened... I got shoved aside and she took centre stage! Like I said before, my throne has been stolen, she is now the Queen of the World and the boss of everything!!! 

I am back on it! Simple start all the way and I am combining my comeback with a purge of all things gluten! My own Mama is coeliac. It's a condition she shares with  3 of her 4 sisters. For those that don't know, it's an allergy to gluten that has very unpleasant and often mortifying consequences.... Gluten is a protein found in bread, pasta, chocolate, flour - pretty much anything tasty. I have read so much, recently, about the effects of the slightest intolerance, I've decided to give it bash excluding it from my diet! It's relatively easy - just eat nothing processed... I don't know how long I'll last, considering I am only 3 days in and already accidentally ate one of my nanas scones! Delicious and not quite part of the simple start plan, but she's 86 and still baking, so I figure it won't be held against me!

Here's to a successful weight watching week... I'll keep you posted on weigh day

6 weeks old

I can't believe that six weeks have passed since The Big Push! The time has flown and, if I am honest, the first 3 weeks have kind of failed to remain in my memory... The time has gone by in a blurr , but those first 3 weeks, I struggle to remember the details! 

I have always been a counter of my blessings. I don't sit and count them out on my fingers, but I do think of all the wonderful things and people in my life and am grateful. In the last six weeks the blessings I count are very different to pre-Holly times. For instance, I am very grateful for a good, reliable and working washing machine. My God! I have never in my life used my washing machine as much as I have since my daughter (ha! I have a daughter, it's still so weird to say it) came home. For such a little thing, she sure creates a mountain of washing! 

I am also always thankful for the days that she doesn't give a dirty nappy until Himself comes home. While I am less repulsed by her dirty nappies, given that

I made the arse that makes the dirt, I am still repulsed! 

I am grateful for 3 hour naps! Unlike pre-Holly days, those are not my 3 hour naps! They are, in fact, hers! Yes! When she sleeps for 3 hours straight I am in heaven! I get to do some of that mountainous washing, have a shower, brush my teeth, reply to a text. It's wonderful!

I appreciate the beauty of finishing a cup of tea! Oh do I regret all those cups that I chose to waste. I am pretty sure that my baby has a sixth sense that tingles, much like Spidey-senses but trigger when her mam sits down with a cuppa. 

I consider it a pretty good day when I get to prepare, cook and eat a meal and it's an excellent day when myself and Himself get to eat that meal together!

I have been for my six week check up. My Holly Dolly is thriving and I am returning to normal! So that means just one thing... I'm going back to weight watchers! Weigh day here I come

So Monday morning I will join back to my old class and get to work on my post baby body. Need to get a move on too cause I have feck all clothes to wear over this jelly belly of mine!!!

Thought for Today

Poking Fun at it All

4 weeks Old Today

I can't actually believe that I am typing this, but my baby girl is 4 weeks old today! The last four weeks have flown by in a haze of adoration, feeding, changing and, of course, worry! It feels like she's always been here, but at the same time only yesterday that I was talking about the Big Push!

Yesterday she started consciously smiling. Who would have though that I would be so excited about something as simple as a smile, but there you are, I am! I was  delighted with myself when she smiled at me. I am, once again, convinced that I have brought a genius into the world and am already planning what I can force her into in order to make me a Mom-ager, like Kris Jenner. Sure she seems like a happy enough woman, always has a glass of vino in her hand and designer gear on her back!

I have discovered a good bit in the last four weeks.  I have learned how to do a multitude of tasks one handed. I have also learned that I do not need 10 hours sleep to function, 3 in a row is enough to keep me going. Although on saying that, I have been blessed with a little sleeper. Which isn't that much of a surprise when you think about it, myself and Himself are fond of our z's so there was a good chance our off spring would be of the same mind.

Other things I have learned in the last 4 weeks include;

- Don't  be too quick to change a nappy. Sometimes they are just not done. I have so far had her pee on me at least 4 times and once, sadly and much to my dismay, she poohed on me too. That wasn't the happiest day of my life, I can assure you! It did not get the same adoration and applause as the first time she smiled at me...

- Baby puke can get anywhere. It dries in. Always check your neck before leaving the house. There may be some dried in baby puke there. Never a good look.

- Holly knows when I am  trying to get organised to go somewhere. She senses it. It's like she just wants to make it that little bit more difficult. And she succeeds. No amount of organisation or bargaining will work. If she's pitching a fit, I just need to work around it.

- I've spent the last 9 months feeling like a 10 tonne tessie and have been unable to see my feet, just because I can now see my feet does not mean that I am a bag of bones and can slip into a size zero.. I can't actually slip into my pre-pregnancy clothes!

- It takes a while to feel normal again. Whatever that is. I still don't feel 100% normal now. I am impatient to start exercising and get back to a routine, but my body (and my baby) are refusing to play ball.

- Eat when you can, cause God knows when your next opportunity will arise! I have made the mistake of settling her, sterilising and organising her bottles and THEN trying to have breakfast / lunch. Big mistake. Normally when that happens, it ends up being about 3pm before I get a bite to eat and at that stage I'm crawling into the kitchen and eating a bowl of Special K because I am too weak to stand / prepare anything else.  Gone are my fancy Goats Cheese Tarts with walnut salad and balsamic dressing!!!

- It's important to have baby knowledgeable people to be able to call on.  Mums, mothers in law, friends, sisters. Anyone that's had a baby and you  trust. I have made a lot of calls in the last four weeks with questions, worrying that I am doing it wrong, more questions. I would be lost without my Mam, Mother in Law and two best friends. I would literally have lost the plot without their help, reassurance and support.

I have left her four times in the last four weeks.  It was intentional and I left her with a responsible adult! I didn't just leave her in a car park by mistake! Although, I do have a fear of that!  Anyway, I have left her four times for a couple of hours each time. The first time was the hardest.  I was so anxious at the thought of leaving her, then I was anxious because I didn't think I'd feel that way and didn't want to be a mother that was afraid to leave their child. I had myself bound up in knots over it all.  I was crying to my mam, crying to my mother in law. It was awful! But then, on the second Wednesday she was here we had a horror of a day. She was in awful form. Wouldn't settle for love nor money, nor the promise of another pony (by the time this kid is 6 she'll be able to open a pony trekking business if I go through with all these promised pony's!!) Himself walked through to the door and handed him his dinner with one hand, his daughter with the other and I ran, like a bat out of hell, out the door and off up to the shopping center for a look around.

I was delighted when I discovered that leaving her would not result in me bursting into tears / flames, and that she didn't actually notice that I was gone. It became clear that at her age, she couldn't give a fiddlers who's with her as long as she's fed, warm and being cuddled - fickle little fecker that she is!

Leaving her has gotten a little easier every time. But I think its actually the walking out the door that i struggle with. Once I'm gone, I'm actually quiet happy to be out and about without her. Myself and Himself went for drinks last weekend. Left her with my parents. It was my first time drinking in nearly 11 months. I had a pint of Heineken, then I had 3 bottles of Corona and THEN, himself got me Captain Morgan and Ginger ale. That was delicious. Now, you wouldn't be drinking them bad boys all night! Apart from the fact that you would be on the floor, or at least an inexperienced boozer like myself would be, but they are expensive! Worth it though. Totes worth it.

In two weeks time I'll have the green light from the Doctor and will be able to go back to the Big Deflation. And then I will feel like I have some control! Because right now, I have relinquished all control to the Queen of the World and the Boss of Everything...

Thought for Today

I survived Labour Day...

Labour day was 11th April 2014. It ended at 10.07am with the birth of our beautiful baby girl, Holly Rose Elizabeth McCarthy. She arrived into this world safe and sound, with all fingers and toes in tact, a fantastic set of lungs and no fear of using them, and weighed in at 8lb 05oz. She has a full head of dark hair. I believe that the makers of Gaviscon are sending her a welcome basket as a thank you for single handedly being responsible for keeping the company in profits while I was pregnant with her. If they aren't, they really should! 

We are utterly besotted. I cry at the drop of a hat! Every time I think of her, or see her with himself, I just cry with pure happiness. There's a good chance the tears are assisted by a healthy dose of my old friend, hormones! 

Having experienced Labour, it is now clear to me why it is not called "peaceful walk in the park" or something similar. I started Labour with airy fairy ideas of making it to the big push on gas and air. Only a first time mother would have such notions! Here's some things you may or may not know about Labour;

1. Pre-labour pains are painful. They are the pains BEFORE the pains! And they are hard work. And can take hours or days, depending on your misfortune. They also actually feel like what you think real live labour pains feel like, especially for the first time mam, but you haven't a clue what your talking about! In real live labour you will long for pre-labour pains! So the hours I spent in pre-labour breathing through each pain, walking, squatting, thinking I was dialating, were in fact doing very little. I was actually 19 hours in pre-labour before I had dialated! Every time I tried to go to the loo I got a mother and father of a contraction and had to hop up from my perch! When it was time to go to the delivery room I was begging for the epidural! When I was offered gas and air I said, yes please, and the epidural! 

I had no plan, with regard to pain relief, except to go in and see what happens! I have the utmost respect for every woman that gives birth medication free. You are heros! But anyone that decides to go with the epidural after thinking they wouldn't, don't be hard on yourself. God made Anesitist to help us through!!

2. Gas and Air should only be taken during a contraction. Sucking on that bad boy between contractions may seem like a great idea, but in the end, you get dizzy and sick! Much like you've drank too much wine! Labour day was the first time in 9 months I felt drunk and hungover - all at once!

3. Labour is nothing like the telly. It is a looooong process! Mine was 10 hours, the actual labour bit, not the pre labour bit. And the only bit of action was the last 50 mins for the big push..

4. When I say there was no action, that's not strictly true. The epidural can fall out! It can happen to 1 in 100 labours. And guess what? I am officially a part of that statistic! When it stopped working and I got the full force of those contractions. Well, let's just say I was calling for the priest and told himself to put a bullet in me!! By Jaysus they were rough. A lovely man came down to give me more drugs. He was an angel... You have to remain really still to get it done, which is a bit of a  sick joke considering the pain your in. I had to sit up and himself was coaching me along, it's ok, says he, you can do this. Stay still says he. So I made an executive decision. I fell asleep. Yep. I actually used my ability to fall asleep at will to block out the pain. The midwife said she had never seen anything like it! Power of the mind is a wonderful thing. Not as wonderful as a lb epidural though. That stuff is the bomb! Within 20 mins I was right as rain sitting up telling jokes as if it never happened!

5. You don't get to keep your midwife. Not that I expected her to be mine forever and bring her home or anything. But the wonderful midwife and doctor that were with me from 12am had to leave me at 8am because their shift was done! I was gutted because they'd been so good I wanted them to see the big push! But they were replaced by an equally lovely team and by the end of it all I felt like i would love these women for the rest of my days. 

6. Labour, gas and air, pain - all a combination that could result in verbal diarrhoea. The stuff that I was coming out with! My goodness! I told the first epidural guy that he was a real treat. Said in a time dripping with sarcasm! He was so rude! Then when it fell out, the midwife was afraid to get him back in case I gave out to him! 

That's not all I did! I asked them to tell me if I pooed during the push! And it gets worse!

The consultant came in at the end. He was a bit of a dish. Myself and the junior doctor had been discussing him earlier in the morning. Anyway. There he is, working away at my nether regions. I'm in the throws of it. I turn around to him and say "your social life must be terrible". Says he "why?" Says I, "well, when I spend all day sending emails and the like in work, I've no desires to do it at home. Must be the same for you?"... 

I thought the midwives were going to collapse with laughing! Himself thought id  lost the plot! The doctor just looked at me and said "right! Well! Let's get going"

7. The aftermath. It doesn't matter how well it all went or how not to plan it went. You really don't care if you've been split in two. When they fling that baby up on top of you, and it does seem like they fling her. And you hear that cry! It's like everything fades. No one asked me to sign a non-disclosure form, as I long suspected they would. You just don't care about it anymore!

And then the emotions come! Jaysus I think for the first hour it was only dogs that could understand me! I was sobbing and crying and declaring undying love like nobody's business!!!

All in all, Labour Day was a success! We survived to tell the tale. And have come

Out the other side of it as a trio instead of a duo. And even though I still feel a little like I've been turned inside out and scrubbed with bleach, I would do it all again, a million times over.

She's worth it!

40 Weeks, 3 Days

Here I am. How am I? Well, I am, rather noticeably, still bloody pregnant! Apparently my darling little bundle of

Joy got his/her fathers genes in the time keeping department! And also may have got his/her fathers teasing gene!! 

As I am now 3 days overdue, I have become hyper aware of my body. Every twinge, every ache and every single noise has become a "sign"... I am in and out of the bathroom like a mad woman and have myself convinced that every widdle I have is actually my waters breaking.

Every time the Braxton hicks / false hope start up, I get excited. Which is so foolish of me because I've been having false hope for weeks now - I know what they feel like. But even though I know it's Braxton Hicks, I get a bit excited. Start my timing. It all fades to nothing. The baby then does a little roll and a little kick which I take as a "haha! Fooled you. Think I'll stay here a little longer". There is a good possibility that this baby knows I will torment it once it's here (in a good loving way) and it's his trying to get as much of it's own back while it can!

But then there's dealing with the hope that springs eternal in the eyes of my entourage! Them being Himself and my parents! My poor parents decided to come down from Donegal to spend the Due Date Weekend with us in the hopes that they would be in the thick of it when everything got moving. The poor divils! Every time I wince from a pelvic pain or even just a wind pain, the hope on their faces makes me feel so bad for them. I think my womb has stage fright! And did you ever just know what was going to happen next? I know what's goin to happen!

My poor parents will leave me today and just as they pull up outside their house, after a 3 and half hour journey, I'll ring and say "you're grandchild has arrived"! 

So I've been researching/begging for ways to bring this baby out. Patience is a reoccurring theme. Has anyone any idea where I might get some of this patience? I've searched Amazon and e-bay but it seems impossible to locate. 

Anyway. Here I am. 40 weeks and 3 days and just dying to finally meet the little person I made from scratch and cooked for the last 40 weeks. 

It feels like I'll be pregnant forever!

It's been 52 weeks.. And I am officially 40 weeks

This day, 52 weeks ago, I was awake at the crack of dawn tormenting my mother, sister and bridesmaids with a lovely song "we're going to the chapel and we're gonna get married"... It is exactly one year since a team of ladies arrived in a hotel room, made me look the best I've ever, or will ever, look and I headed off in my lovely Guna to marry my lovely husband! 

And here we are now, 52 weeks on, 40 weeks pregnant and not a sign of that team of ladies to help me look glam. My wedding dress now shudders at the sight of me and my tummy! "You'll not be putting me on" she says! "Go find yourself something elasticated and come back to me when the baby has come".

And when will the baby come!? When? Seriously? I want to know. Clearly it has not been given my penchant for being 15 minutes early for everything or else it would have arrived at 11.45 last night. It must take after it's father so... Always late! Due date schmue date! All lies. I don't know why they don't just say to you "listen love, some time in April the baby will arrive. Not going to give you an actual date, just be ready in April". And as for Braxton bloody Hicks. False hope is what they should be called. False hope!

So today I sit thinking about the best day of my life so far, waiting for the best thing we ever did to arrive! My eviction notice has not worked. Promises of ponies and trips to Disney land have not worked. Patience is one of the few virtues I do not posses, so that won't work.  If anyone has any tips to help me evict my lovely lodger, please, get in touch as let me know!

The Preggos Hobby

So, as I have mentioned previously, I decided to take up knitting and crotcheting to keep me entertained and sitting still while I am cooking this Bambino.  My transition from trendy party girl to the youngest Nana Mc was completed today as I say crotcheting while drinking warm milk and honey and cinnamon. Yes people, it's official! I have turned into a granny!!! 

Anyway! I thought I would share some of my creations...

Can you see my swollen sausage toes?? Truly delightful!!!

This will be lovely for Easter.. Again,check out my sausage toes!

A hat to keep his / her head warm after the big push

Finally, this is to be used when Liverpool are playing! Hopefully the baby will be wrapped in this on Sunday to watch the Pool win! And also, one final glimpse at those tasty sausage toes!

Aren't I quiet the talent. If you have a baby in your life that you would like to wrap in wool, please let me know and I can whip you up a blanket, in the colour of your choice, in a jiffy! Just giver a cup of warm milk and honey and your golden!!! Thankfully, the Nana in me is still resisting the urge to go to bingo, so maybe all hope is not lost!!!!

I'm off now to feed the bump - I've a hankering for a sausage sandwich... Should put some socks on, it'll stop me thinking of Superquinn sausages!

39 Weeks, 5 Days

Dear Mini Mc

You have been living quiet comfortably in my tummy for the last 39 weeks and 5 days. I hope that you have enjoyed your stay in Hotel Mama, but like all good things, this must come to an end. I hereby serve you with 2 days notice of my intention to evict you from your comfy palace.  Mama wants her body back!

Please arrange to make your way calmly, swiftly and with minimal pain inflection to the nearest exit. 

I have personally ensured that you will be rehoused in a warm and cosy cradle, with home made blankets to keep you warm. I  have also arranged to have food delivered to you on a regular basis and will smother you with kisses and cuddles while you adjust to your new surroundings and will continue to do so until your old enough to tell me to stop. In the interest of full disclosure, even if you tell me to stop smothering you with kisses and cuddles I will most likely ignore you and continue!

Please be aware that if you do not vacate the womb within the specified time you will leave me with no choice but to send someone in for you!

Your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated.

Yours sincerely

Mamma,

Owner and operator of Hotel Mamma

Stretch Marks - How to Avoid Them

Ah stretch marks! One of the many not so delightful changes to a woman's pregnant body! Before you go running out and spending millions of euro on oils and creams and potions and lotions that will spare you from getting them, let me tell you what your first step is, in avoiding them! 

Step 1: Invite your Mamma over for a cup of coffee and a slice of gluten free cake - my Mamma is a coeliac. If your Mamma has no such dietry requirements, feel free to offer her normal gluten filled cake. The presence or absence of gluten is not important in this step. Once there's cake, your grand! 

Once cake, gluten free or otherwise, has been eaten, ask your Mamma this question; so, how's your tummy looking since bearing me for 9 months? If she says smooth as the baby's bum you are currently growing, your golden! If she says it now resembles a scrotum, well, you can still go buy the lotions and potions but it's probably a waste of time... I do realise that the above is a vulgar way to describe a post pregnancy tummy, but as vulgar as it is, it's effective!

I have been applying a certain oil, at a price of €17 a bottle, twice daily for the last 34 weeks. I have been having baths with baby oil in, I have even invested in some stretch mark specific cream that set me back €35. All in a vain attempt to avoid stretch marks. 

I thought I was doing very well. I hadn't a mark in sight. When I looked down at my tummy, it was lovely and soft and smooth. I was delighted with myself! Genetics, says I? I laugh in the face of genetics! Well, it turns out that genetics has had the last laugh. You see, from about 26 or so weeks, you can ONLY see the top of your tummy when you look down, your neck doesn't bend so that you can see under your bump. The only way to see under your bump is to have a look in the mirror. So imagine my horror when I looked in the mirror at about 30 or so weeks and realised that while, yes, the top of my bump was soft and unmarked, the feckin underneath of it wasn't! It resembled a cross between a London Tube map and a bloody brain! 

Well! Disgusted isn't the word for it! All that time dedicated to rubbing in the lotions and potions and the promises of those company's that I believed whole heatedly, and here I am with a tummy that resembles a brain!

I have been assured that all that tummy TLC will pay off once the baby is out and the skin returns to it's normal I stretched self. I really hope so!

I realise that I should wear my stretch marks with pride. That they are my "tiger stripes" (read that in a quote somewhere once but can't remember the full thing), but I am a young(ish) woman. I had notions of once again being able to wear a bikini. Obviously, once I'd returned to the sevelt size 10 I've always imagined I could be... But with a tummy resembling a mans nether regions, well, suffice to say I wouldn't put the general public through such a sight!

So, ladies! My advice on avoiding stretch marks? Consult your genes, pray to the gene Gods that you got the no stretch mark gene and if you didn't, pray anyway!

Week 38 and I am impatient...

We are now at week 38. Two more weeks officially left. But, then again, I could also have four more weeks if this Baba is refusing to be cooperative!

Mother Nature is really fantastic! Let me take you back about 20 weeks... Back to a time when I could reach my feet to put my socks on, easily get off the couch and  never had to worry about heartburn.

Back then, my bestie was preparing for the big L. It was nearing her time and she had come through the "fear of it" stage and was now happily sitting in the "it has to come out so feck it" stage. I naively thought that I was also at that stage.

I am the kind of person that likes to know exactly what's coming down the track. When I got pregnant, I bought my What to Expect When Expecting book, downloaded all the apps and spent many a happy hour reading all the fascinating things that I was going to experience. (There's very little in these various materials that warn you of the need for a winch to get off the couch or that your shoes are probably not going to fit you!) Being of the opinion that knowledge is power, I decided that I was ready to find out what to expect when L Day arrives! 

I couldn't have been more wrong! I was not ready to know. Himself arrived up to the room to check on me only to find me lying in the bed hyperventilating with my book open on a page that described how to deliver the baby yourself in the event of an emergency and pictures of the various positions a woman can give birth in. I was having a feckin panic attack! Who knew that there were "options" for giving birth? I most certainly didn't! Himself took the book from me and we made a joint decision that, from that day forward I would employ a less is more approach. The less I knew the better and I'll just go into L Day blind! 

The reason I think Mother Nature is amazing? Well, here I am at 38 weeks pregnant and I can hand on heart say I have arrived at the "it has to come out so feck it" stage. I am no longer hyperventilating and if they tell me to stand on my head in order to get this baby out, so be it - although i do realise that standing on my head would be counter productive, gravity is apparently a great help during the Big Push.

So here I sit, bouncing on my pregnancy ball for the millionth time since 530am today, sipping on my second cup of raspberry leaf tea and googling ways to bring on labour in the hopes that it will prevent me being overdue! By the way, I wasn't up at 530am for any reason. I was just awake, uncomfortable and couldn't get back to sleep! So I spent nearly 4 hours crotcheting while waiting for Himself to wake up. And yes, I said crotcheting. Apparently, pregnancy has turned this wild boozey lady into a granny....

All prayers, lit candles, spells, voodoo and tips to bring this baby out into the world are greatly accepted and appreciated. Unless you tell me to be patient. In which case, feck off!

Things I am most looking forward to after Labour Day

With so much time on my hands, and nothing to do but knit, I have been thinking of all the things I am looking forward to once Labour Day is over..

Obviously the number one thing, and most important, is meeting our little one and finally getting to know if it's a she or a he and all the happiness that goes with it!

But, I am talking about other things. Pre pregnancy enjoyment that was taken for granted. 

So I have decided to list them..

10. Ability to move with speed

Granted, me and speed have never exactly been on the best of terms, but my current pace is ridiculous. It doesn't matter what I am doing, whether it's "walking" (I use that word lightly), moving from a sitting to a standing position or vice versa or trying to turn over from my left side to my right side during the night, it's all being done super slow and I can't wait until the baby is born and I don't even have to think about these movements! I'll be like Flash Gordon zooming around the place!

9. Bending down

Ah bending down. I have the fondest memories of being able to pick up something I dropped. These days if I drop something and I am alone, it stays there until someone comes along. Doesn't matter if it's a utensil, clothes or food. I'm not getting down there and getting back up. It's one or the other. And if I do happen to take my chances and bend to get whatever the dropped item is, I make this weird noise. It's a cross between a grunt and a sigh. It'll be nice to not make that noise.

8. My toes

My little piggies! And they look like little piggies right now. When I stretch out, I can see these pudgy little stumps that no longer resemble the dainty little hoofs I once owned! My size 4 shoes don't fit me any more and there is the last pathetic scraping of nail varnish applied a number of months ago that I can neither reach to remove or refresh! I look forward to being able to stand up and look down and see my feet.

7. No longer having heartburn

I am excited to eat a tomato and not have to chase it with a bottle of gaviscon!  And also excited to no longer have to carry around a litre bottle of the stuff like some bizzare indigestion treatment addict!

6. Being able to take any pain killer that is not Panadol 

I do realise that this is not exactly something to be looking forward to. Please don't miss understand my excitement for this as an admission to having an over fondness for pain killers. It will just be nice to be able to take something that works if I should require it!

5. Clothes 

I have some really lovely maternity wear. New Look has been a life saver throughout my pregnancy and a lot of the clothes are lovely and comfortable. But, I cannot wait to put on a pair of jeans that are not elasticated at the top and have actual working buttons that you use to keep them up! 

4. High heels

Sky high! I want to wear sky high high heels again. I want to totter around on them and have aching feet at the end of the night!

3. Sleep on my back

Oh that first night sleeping on my back! I cannot wait for it! It will be amazing. Right now if I do happen to roll on to my back, one of two things happens; the baby goes mental kicking and moving. I am thinking it doesn't like where it goes when I lie on my back, or, I dream I am suffocating because, well I am suffocating! I can't breath and wake up gasping for breath... Maybe that's why the baby goes crazy... 

2. Exercise

Believe it or not, I am actually looking forward to getting into a shape that doesn't require elasticated clothing! I can't wait to go back to my weight watchers class and start walking / running / feeling the burn!

1. Booze

I realise that this is not going to win me any Mum of the Year awards. But I don't care... At 36 and half weeks I can honestly say I am dreaming of having a pint of Corrs light! I can taste it as I think of it! I cannot wait for a night out where I get all dolled up and totter on my heels and have a pint of Corrs and glass of wine and a bottle of Corona... And then get poured into a taxi because my tolerance for alcohol has decreased so much that three drinks equals home time!

So these are all the things that I am looking forward to and are keeping me going in these last few weeks! But mostly it's knowing that we get to finally meet this little one after so many months of imaging what he / she will be and what he/she will look like! 

See, I'm not all bad!

Week 35 nearly done

The finishing line is in sight!  There are 4 weeks and 2 days left and I am counting them down!!!

My knitting project is going well... I have actually completed my first ever blanket. It's not a very big one, but I made it and I am delighted! I even crocheted the edges of the blanket too... T'internet is amazing. You can literally learn anything on it!! Here is the completed product. I am now currently trying to crotchet a hat.. it's not going well.

So as I approach the end and my belly is getting bigger and bigger I decided that I would help the general public in dealing with the pregnant ladies by putting together 5 things you should NEVER say to a pregnant woman...

Here goes:

5. Was it planned? How long were you trying

What on earth do you want to know that for? You have  basically just asked me if I was having sex and, if so, how long was I having sex for.  It is the equivalent of me saying to you, Did you have sex this week? Was it any use? No normal person would ask that question so it is beyond me why someone would ask it to a pregnant lady. Especially one they barely know / just met in the supermarket.

4. Your in for a big shock / going to have your hands full

Whether your a first time mum or this is baby number 2 / 3 / 20, this is such an annoying thing to have said. I am a first time mum. I am aware that things are going to change. I am not an idiot. I know that my sleep is going to be disrupted and that the freedom I have been accustomed too for the last 31 years is about to be replaced by having to think of someone else.  But, I didn't make it to the grand age of 31 without getting pregnant, by accident.  I know a baby changes things, that's why I've spent the last number of years living it up, enjoying myself, hungover, going on holidays and doing all the things I want to do.  Now that I am about to be a mum, I have made the decision to make those changes so I think I should be OK with the shock, but just in case I do go into shock, why don't you make yourself useful and bring me some medicinal brandy...

3. Labour horror stories

I really don't understand why women feel the need to frighten the be-jaysus out of pregnant women with their labour horror stories.  Since I got pregnant I have had people tell me some humdingers.  There was this one woman and every time I saw her she had a horrible story to tell me.  It actually got to the point that I told her from now on, when she sees me, unless she has something nice to say to me, she's to say nothing to me at all.  I don't want to hear about how her organs were being shifted about the place during her C Section (like what? Did they go in through her mouth or something?) Or how I could end up having the baby in the car on the way to the hospital - I live 30 mins from it, I think I'm safe! People shoudl keep their war stories to themselves until the mum has a story of her own to share!

2. Your huge / other weight gain related comments

As the  grower of this human, I am perfectly aware of my expanding body parts. There is no reason for you to draw extra attention to this.  Some of the most body confident of women struggle with their changing shape during pregnancy. I, not being one of the most body confident of women, have definitely struggled. I am aware it is all in the name of growing this little person, but I still don't need comments from people about the size of me. I am aware, sure aren't I the one that takes 5 minutes to get off the couch these days! Just standing up is a work out in itself!

1. Are you sure there's only one in there

I think that, given the advancement of technology and experience of the medical team I have seen every four weeks for the last 35 weeks, its safe to say that yes, there is only one in there.  Instances of surprise multiple births have fallen dramatically in recent years. So if I haven't announced to you that I am having twins / triplets / quintuplets at this stage, you are telling me that I look like I am having more than one. See number 2 above.

Now, if you are interested in gaining brownie points and kisses from the pregnant woman in your life, here are 3 things you should definitely say:

3. Your glowing

Even if its only a glow from the sheen of sweat on her upper lip, caused by her trying to get up the stairs, say it and she'll love you forever. .

2. Pregnancy suits you

This is a lovely thing to say. Telling a pregnant woman it suits her and she carries it well will give her a pep in her step that will get her through the day. As I said, the most body confident of women struggle at some point or other with their changing shape during pregnancy. Growing a whole human is hard work. Compliments like these are so lovely to receive, damn sight nicer than 'are you sure there's only one in there'

1. From the back you wouldn't even know you were pregnant

Say this to a pregnant lady and you will be showered with kisses and hugs for the day.Sweeter words have never been uttered than these 10 words!

Why not find yourself a preggo today and try it out on her!!!